I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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