you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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