last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
