I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize