dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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