Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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