New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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