Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
