I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
