we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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i dont even know how to be here
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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