I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
