im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
