We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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