I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
