Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
