i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
