exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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