So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
