Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
