Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
