whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
