Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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