; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
