we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
