I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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