I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
