i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize