garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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