sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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