??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
