oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he was CRYING into my vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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