Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
