You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
