wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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