$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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