# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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