you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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