sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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