u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
