So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
