2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
