peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
