when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
