you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
