He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
