3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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