Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
