I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize