I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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