i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
