New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
