He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
