i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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