I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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