His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
