The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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