SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
