How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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