Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
