I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk is not a location!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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