and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
