Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
