We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
