escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
