I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
