Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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