I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
