Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Damn victory sex feels great
as a side note pls kill me
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