So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
