I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
