The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
